angel

marriage

How Dissatisfaction with Sex in a Marriage can Destroy The Marriage
She says that when one half of a couple doesn't want much sex in a marriage but the other one does, it isn't just the problem of the one who wants more sex. It's a problem for the relationship, that the one not so interested in sex should take seriously.
She says one reason is that if one half of the couple isn't getting enough sex for their liking, it can make them feel rejected and hurt. It can make them feel unwanted and unloved.
She says a good sexual relationship, on the other hand, not only gives couples physical pleasure, but it can make them feel more emotionally connected and close. It can make them feel more like a couple.
She says that when a couple stop having sex, they often tend to stop showing other forms of physical affection as well, and they can distance from each other emotionally, so they carry on their lives without the closeness they used to have. In fact, they can even stop feeling friendly towards each other. Anger and resentment can build up. The author says she got a letter from someone who described his wife as being cruel to have stopped wanting sex with him, saying he felt as if she couldn't love him any more, and so he'd divorce her if it wasn't for the little daughter they had together.
She says she got another letter from a woman who said her husband hadn't wanted sex in ages, and she felt hurt at having been deprived for so long. She said she felt that in a normal marriage, couples could argue about anything, but then making love could soothe them and it would be like a forgiving ritual where they could make up. But she felt that without it, bitterness and resentment and desperation built up.
The author gives another example, of a couple who came to her in therapy who complained about each other for weeks, and though both wanted to stay together, they seemed more interested in blaming each other for the marriage problems than getting on and solving them. When she finally asked them why they wanted to be together still, the husband said he kept hoping they'd one day be able to recreate the old feelings they had at first where they had a really good love life. Since his wife had had their first child, she'd lost interest in having sex with him. She'd been too tired at first, but the rejection had gone on for years. His wife took the view that he was just being selfish wanting sex when she was so tired and he didn't do much to help with the things she was coping with.
The author says she thought that helping them improve their sex life was the key to them feeling more goodwill towards each other and being willing to solve their problems rather than continually showing bitterness and anger about each other's behaviour.
She says that when one marriage partner wants more sex than the other, the one whose advances are being rejected can jump to the worst conclusions about why their husband or wife doesn't want sex with them. They can wonder if their husband or wife is having an affair, or think their spouse can't be attracted to them any more. They can assume the children have replaced them in their husband or wife's affections so their husband or wife doesn't care about their needs and feelings any more. So they can start feeling suspicious of their spouse, and hurt, angry and rejected. They can feel they aren't loved any more. They can lose their sense of self-worth, because they can lose confidence in their ability to satisfy their wife or husband. So they can become very depressed.
The author says things can be made worse because often, if they try to explain their feelings to their marriage partner, their marriage partner doesn't take them seriously. They might just dismiss what they're saying and think it's only an excuse for them wanting more sex, thinking they must be just putting their own selfish desires first and not caring that they're tired or not in the mood or whatever. They might not see why sex is so important to the other one, thinking they're making a big fuss over nothing.
But the author says that the reason sex is so important to some people is because it's much more than a physical thing; it makes them feel close and emotionally connected to their spouse; it fulfils their desire for affection; it makes them feel desirable, and that boosts their self-worth. It makes them feel as if they feel more of a bond with their husband or wife and more loved and in love.
She says that because people who don't desire sex much don't feel the same way about sex, they can't identify with the way their marriage partner feels, and so they don't treat what they say with understanding. But that can lead to trouble if one partner keeps on feeling rejected, because they can feel increasingly bitter and angry, so they can become unpleasant. And at other times, they can distance themselves, feeling that they're better off doing their own thing since they aren't loved.
The one who wants less sex tends not to understand that this stems from underlying hurt, so they aren't sympathetic, and instead get annoyed with them for their unpleasant behaviour, and arguments increase, each partner blaming the other for the problems. At first, the arguments might be mainly about sex, but as partners feel more and more annoyed with each other, they're less sympathetic to each other all round and so arguments become common about lots of other things.
Because the unpleasant behaviour of the person who wants more sex is making them even less desirable to their spouse, the one who didn't feel like having sex with them much before wants sex with them even less.
So the marriage can get into more and more trouble, and divorce or an affair can seem more and more attractive.
Risking an Affair
The author says it's important that a marriage partner who isn't that interested in sex cares that the other one wants more, for their own sake as well as for the sake of their marriage partner. She says that after a while, the one dissatisfied with the sexual relationship may well be tempted to have an affair, since it can give them a feeling of emotional connection to someone who cares for them, as well as giving them more physical pleasure, and it can build their confidence by making them feel desirable once again. The person they're having the affair with might compliment them a lot and make them feel good, and listen to their concerns and make them feel wanted.
The author says an affair is among the worst things to bear in life for the husband or wife of someone who's been unfaithful. It can cause a loss of trust, and feelings of shock and intense sadness. People can take months or longer to get over it.
The author says she only thinks people need to know this so they know it's important to care about their marriage partner's feelings, in the hope that they'll be spared from unnecessary upset in the future.
She says she also thinks it's unfair for people who don't want much sex to have an expectation that their husband or wife won't get their sexual needs fulfilled elsewhere, while at the same time knowing they're unhappy with the sex life in the marriage but refusing to do anything about it.
Warning About Discovering Sexual Passion for a Marriage Partner Too Late
The author says that often, when one marriage partner loses their desire for sex after having wanted it much more than their husband or wife did before and having spent some time trying to get their husband or wife to have more with them, the one who wasn't interested in it before finds their sex drive is going through the roof all of a sudden. She says that that's typical of relationships, where if one partner's always doing something, the other one doesn't have to bother. For instance, if one does the washing-up all the time, the other one will just take it for granted that they don't have to bother. If the one who was doing it all stops doing so much of it, the other one will feel obliged to do more.
Actually, I would have thought that with sex, it might be more to do with realising what you might be about to be losing out on, since she says that often, when a person who used to want sex a lot loses interest in it, by the time their partner who used to have low desire for sex wants it much more, the other one has lost their will to stay in the marriage altogether because they're so upset at the way things turned out and so they might have convinced themselves they're not in love any more, or they're having an affair.
She gives an example of a woman whose husband said he'd fallen out of love with her a couple of years before. The woman was desperate to bring them closer together again, and felt sure sex would do it. But her husband said he didn't want sex with her any more and told her not to touch him, even pulling away from her. That upset her a lot, especially since he used to be turned on so easily. She started longing to have more sex with him, and discovered that she'd started being turned on by even little things. But he still didn't want to be touched by her. And then he filed for divorce.
The author warns people not to leave it too late in their own marriages, but to do something about it while they can.
The Connection Between Sexual Desire, Sex, and Emotional Attraction
The author says that at times when a marriage partner doesn't feel very emotionally attracted to their partner, they're unlikely to feel like having sex with them.
But she says that people who feel sexually satisfied can begin to feel happier. And when they do, they can become more fun to be around, kinder and more thoughtful, more loving and affectionate, and better at communicating. So the bad feeling in the marriage can fade. So if the partner who isn't that keen on sex starts off by having sex with their husband or wife even though they don't feel like it, it may be that relations between the two partners improve so much that the one who didn't really feel like having sex at first feels like having it more, because their partner's become more attractive to them.
She says that because the one who feels they're having their sexual needs satisfied again will feel as if they're being cared for again, they'll feel like being more caring towards the person fulfilling their sexual needs, since they might appreciate their efforts. They might start sending love notes, or stop what they're doing to pay special attention to their partner talking about something their partner finds interesting. They may well become more interested in their partner as a person, noticing the good things about them more and becoming less critical. They might be more willing to do things they were never keen on doing before to please their partner, like helping around the house more. It'll begin to feel more like it did earlier in the relationship when the marriage partners were much closer.

being a mistress.....is it worth it?

Is it really worth being a mistress when you know very well that you're hurting a family, the wife & the children of that man. you must condsider that what you're doing may also happen to you, & that's the absolute thing called karma. Falling in love with a married man is something women have been doing for a long time. Being a mistress is nothing new, but is it worth it?
So many women get involved with a married man because he makes promises of leaving his wife and getting into a committed relationship with them, and they usually end up waiting forever for him or end up just being his mistress- nothing more. The first thing you need to do before getting officially involved with a married man is to ask yourself some serious questions. The following questions will help you decide whether or not being a mistress is worth it.
Why a Married Man? It is important that you ask yourself why you would want to get involved with a married man in the first place? There are plenty of single men out there for you to get to know. If you did not know he was married at first, then perhaps you should ask yourself if you would want to get involved with a man who lied to you about his marital status.
Prepared to be Second Priority? One thing you should always keep in mind is that his wife and family will always come before you, no matter how many problems he claims to have at home. Keeping you as his secret mistress is an obvious sign that he is not ready to lose his spouse. If he was, then he would just leave her and be with you, but instead- he has chosen to spare her the pain and embarrassment because he loves her- and will continue to keep you a secret for as long as you let him. Are you ready to be second priority?
Self-Esteem Check. Being a mistress will play a big role on your self-esteem, making you slowly start to feel bad about yourself. You will feel alone and not important, because all you are is a secret mistress- no matter how much he tells you he loves you- you will still not be getting that official healthy committed relationship that you will eventually need and want for yourself. So do not neglect yourself and be sure to do a self-esteem check.
Are you ready to wait a long time? Getting involved with a married man is complicated and the relationship will be filled with repeated promises that will work at first, but will later leave you feeling helpless and restless. He will never just drop his wife and family for you, so ask yourself if you are ready to wait a long time for him to finally finalize his divorce- if he gets one. It is common for men to decide that they want to make their marriage work after all, so are you ready to not just wait a long time, but perhaps even end up not being with him in the end?
These are all essential question that you must answer honestly. Sure, having an affair can be fun, but when that stage of excitement slowly wears off and you enter another stage where you crave that closeness of an official one on one committed relationship, then you will start feeling the stress and pain of being a mistress. There are of course chances that he will end up leaving his wife for you- but is it worth waiting around to find out if that will happen? There are no guarantees.

lash's field trip

haplos

clips from my favorite JUMONG

sex myths

Curiosities on sexual concepts abound freely. Sex myths like Viagra surpass common sense. Thus, a taboo free sexuality remains heaven on earth despite efforts.
Human sexuality is an inexorable source of fears and hunkers. When sexually minded people express their sexual leanings those against free sexuality turn eager for sex myth mongering. Scientific marvels like Viagra aid unleash every sexual motive concealed in sex myths.
To hold sex myths accountable only adds more hearsay on sexuality taboo forging. Achieving sexuality harmony springs from smooth rough edges on sexual relation.
Most taboos permeate from religious inculcation although physical flaws can amplify prejudice.
Here are some of most popular old wives’ tales:- A sexual intercourse only occurs with vaginal penetration: A sex act is by far more ample than this misconceived idea. There can be performed in many ways, i.e., oral sex, anal sex, and clitoral stimulation. What counts is the means for obtaining sexual pleasure. The penis penetration in the vagina is only one out of the bag.
- Women are less sexually orientated than men: Whole lotta of ol’ cobbles, for women are into sex too.
- Sterilization affects men and women sexually decreasing sex drive: Anything as such only prevents pregnancy not altering sexual desire.
- Penis size counts: Widely discussed by popular demand, sexual pleasure however comes down to sexual performance. Size and girth doesn’t matter.
- A man shouldn’t express feelings: A man has feelings hence being entitled to express them. Expressing feelings ensure sexuality heightening.
- Sex is good only when reaching orgasm simultaneously: No chance. Sex means non-stop apprentice and respect by the other’s limits. Obviously, when a couple manages to reach orgasm in unison longed sensations ought to be enthralling, but this shouldn’t be a general rule, since tension built up from attempts of reaching simultaneous climax may spoil the sex act itself, hampering efforts.
- A man should never turn down sex: Say you says who? A man is entitled to refuse sex offers, owing to piling up odds. A down beat man pass of haphazardness of daily tribulations on his sexual performance.
- Sexual fantasy indulgence is unthinkable of: All the way round, sexual fantasies are repressed hankers, which can and should come out at sex time. It spices up sexuality.Come to terms with your sex fantasies. Always keep your sex partner’s in good terms as well.
- Unprotected anal sex can leave you pregnant: By all means always safer sex. Spermatozoids are as fast as stealth, in other words, no matter how unlikely it might seem spermatozoids might ooze in the vagina.
- A woman always bleed in her first sexual relation: Another fallacy as female morphology varies. The hymen tends to rupture with penetrative sex but changes can be expected due to its thickness and elasticity.
- Overdoing masturbation render men impotent: Pure non-sense, the bigger the better.
- Masturbation induces hair growth in hands: Not at all, let alone blindness, acne and a pile of codswallop.
Bigotry has a lot to do with sexual castration. As well sexuality taboos thrive on guilt impingement of religious kicks. Sexual intimacy embraces all sex daring boundaries for so trial.

Building Marriages That Last
"The Keys To Being A Godly Husband"
Ephesians 5:25-28 ; 1 Peter 3:7

Intro

Bill Cosby once described marriage as the "one miracle the Vatican has overlooked."
Roxanne Hawn of the Denver Post wrote in a recent article that the three words that strike the most fear into a man's heart are "pop the question."
I've known many men who would agree with the two little girls, age 5 and 6, who were playing wedding. Their mother overheard these vows: "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say may be held against you. You have the right to an attorney present. You may kiss the bride."
Ashley Judd was recently quoted as saying "Getting married is an act of incredible hopefulness."
Men and women bring different perspectives into a marriage. On some levels that's a good thing, because men and women are different, and what they bring to, and expect out of a marriage, will be different. The Bible instructs men and women differently about marriage. Last week, we looked at the Bible's call for a woman to submit to her husband.
The picture that emerged from those Scriptures was of a woman who entered into a relationship with a man, understanding the rules that applied. She was to give herself to her husband as completely as she gave herself to God. In fact, the gift of herself, in love, to her husband, was a reflection of her love for God.
Men, pay attention! A woman is able to give herself to God completely because she trusts, that God loves her unconditionally and always has her best interest and well-being foremost in His mind. A woman trusts God with her life because she believes that His purpose is her perfection.
So a woman looks for a man that is strong and nurturing, who she can love completely and who will create the ideal environment of security and affection for her to live in. Now, fast forward to what a man looks for in a marriage: someone who can cook naked! Seriously, the needs that men enter into a marriage looking to have met are far different that a woman's. The difficulty in marriage often comes from a man's inability or unwillingness to see his Biblical role as a husband being more than a hunk for his woman to love and cook for and clean up after.
Just as the Bible commands that a woman submit herself to her husband, the Bible instructs husbands to be sacrificial, as they give themselves completely to their wives.
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Ephes. 5:25 (NIV)
"As Christ loved the church." Men are to have the same kind of love for their wives that Jesus has for His church --- namely, that He gave, not just OF Himself ?. But He literally GAVE Himself for the church. And an amazing thing emerges from a study of God's word. Just as last week revealed that submission in real life will meet the needs that men have ?. When I studied what the Bible says about husband sacrificially loving their wives, it looks very much like what women want and need from men.
So what does Christ-like love from a husband look like towards his wife? What is the key to being a godly husband?
A Godly husband will have his wife's best interest in mind.
The command to love your wife as Christ loved the church is given substance in the 2 verses that follow it.
to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. Ephes. 5:26-27 (NIV)
Why did Jesus love the church sacrificially? So the church could become radiant, without stain, wrinkle or blemish. Jesus dies for the church, Jesus loved the church, so that the church could be all she could be. Husbands should approach marriage with the same goal! A godly husband will create a hothouse where his wife can grow and flourish. My job as a husband is to create the space, to create an environment, where Robin can be the all the person God created her to be.
What does that mean? I really think this is an attitude issue: men need to get over themselves and be reminded that their wife is a person. Does a woman need a man to give her a sense of worth? Does a woman need a man's help to develop into a fulfilled person? Is a man's assistance necessary for a woman to be whole and complete? The answer is NO! But, the beauty of marriage is that God intends for men to act in such a way that makes those things more readily possible. Not because a woman is incapable of reaching wholeness in life without a man - but because his nurturing of her personhood is a demonstration of genuine love.
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Ephes. 5:23 (NIV)
Men, God's instructions on marriage are not just about what you do - it's about who you are! The most common marital mistake men make is to view this verse of Scripture as God's designation of superior worth. It's about me! I'm in charge! I'm the head of the house!
(ill) Don Shula was the Hall of Fame coach for the Miami Dolphins for over 25 years. Once, when he and his wife were vacationing in Maine, they decided to go to a movie. As the two of them entered the theatre, the small crowd began to applaud. Shula whispered to his wife, "Amazing, theey even know me here in Maine." "I guess so," his wife replied.
One man even approached the Shulas. "I am so excited that you are here. Thanks for coming."
Don Shula was flattered. "We're just happy to be seeing a movie. But I was surprised that you recognized me so quickly."
The man looked puzzled. "Oh, are you somebody? I was glad to see you because the manager said he wouldn't start thee movie until 10 more people got here. You two made 10."
T/S; For whatever reason, we men tend to think the world is about us. Marriage is our ongoing exercise in being reminded that it is not! The designation as head of the house was not Godly permission to sit in the recliner and order coffee, it was Godly responsibility to make it possible for the woman you married to be the woman God wants her top be.
How do I know that? Look at how this passage in Ephesians continues.
In the same way, a husband should love his wife as much as he loves himself. A husband who loves his wife shows that he loves himself. None of us hate our own bodies. We provide for them and take good care of them, just as Christ does for the church, Ephes. 5:28-29 (CEV)
Listen carefully - provide for and take good care of your wife. This is much more than groceries and house payments. Because the goal, we've already seen, is to allow her to be radiant, spotless, without blemish. I don't know about your house, but the mere fact that we have groceries for Robin to cook me supper with, doesn't prove my love. Men are to provide and care for their wives, in what their wives need.
It occurred to me that this is the heart of love - the reality of being a good and godly husband. Making your wife be Number 1. Making your wife feel like she is Number 1. Living day to day with a devotion to her that allows her to know that you would cross any river, fight any predator, make any sacrifice -- that you would do whatever it took because she is your first priority.
As I gathered all the Scriptures that address husbands' actions towards their wives, I came up with a list of things we men are supposed to do. A nice list. But it's a stale list, if those were the things that were supposed to make happy, healthy marriages. Then it hit me - Christians are told to DO a lot of different things in the Bible: feed the poor, go to church, pray, be kind to strangers, etc., etc., etc. But Paul says if I do all of these things, and do not have love, I am nothing but noise. Jesus said, that the greatest commandment of all was to love God and love each other.
Marriage falls under this umbrella: being a godly husband is about loving your wife, being good to her and being the kind of man she can admire and love in return. The implication of being the head of the house is that the man has the responsibility - do you hear me? - the responsibility, to be the one in a marriage who loves sacrificially and selflessly, so that a wife can be happy.
In the New Testament, women are reminded that their submission to their husbands IS NOT dependent on his sacrificial love. Sara is given as the example of godly submission, but if we read Abraham's story, he is far from a good husband. Not once but twice, he puts Sarah in a position where purity and sexual fidelity can be compromised. Basically he offers her up as a sexual sacrifice, so that he doesn't get beat up.
This is what we call a negative example, men. If you want to be a godly husband that your wife can admire, don't leave her honor and safety undefended. At the heart of this error was Abraham's obsession with himself. Loving as Christ loves, puts a wife first.
Abraham has another incident that we can learn from. When their childlessness had started to wear on their nerves, Sarah told Abraham to sleep with Hagai. Abraham should have known right then, ?This is not a good idea." He had been married a long time, he should have known better!
Then Sarai said to Abram, "You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering. I put my servant in your arms, and now that she knows she is pregnant, she despises me. May the Lord judge between you and me." Genesis 16:5 (NIV)
In this case, loving his wife sacrificially, meant NOT doing something because the lack of action was in her bast interest. What makes this story so illustrative, is that Sarah apparently continues to submit to and love Abraham, even though he has some major deficiencies as a husband. And in the end, God honors her resolve, and Abraham grows into a man of deep faith who loves his wife profoundly.
In a nutshell, we could say that being a godly husband means loving your wife ahead of yourself, so that you can meet her needs and provide the space for her to be the special and unique person God created her to be. God knew there would be some special challenges we would face in completing this task, and the Bible speaks to some of them.

Love is affectionate.
Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her? 1 Cor. 7:3 (NKJV)
In Willard Harley's book His Needs, Her Needs, a wife's #1 need from her husband is affection. Not sex,men, affection. Demonstrations that you think she's great. Proof in everyday life that you not only put her first because you love her, but you like her as well.
Affection is doing things she like to do. Affection is love pats, and cards that say "I love you." Affection is dates to the movies, and paper plates so there's no dishes to do. Affection is calling home to say you will be late. Affection is holding hands in the mall. Affection is all of the little things that prove there is a big emotional commitment.
Men, guess what studies indicate is the #1 way women measure affection? Conversation. I have learned, after 16 plus years of marriage that a conversation is not "Hey honey, what's for dinner?" Women view conversation as an affirmation of feelings, a means to validate what's happening in their life. That's why women participate in conversations much more readily than do men - because generally speaking, women are more in tune with their emotions than men are. Conversations flow from emotions: not only what happened and what I feel, but why did that happen and why do I feel like this?
Men tend to approach conversations with the Dragnet mentality. ?The facts, ma'am, nothing but the facts." Studies show that on average men speak about 15,000 words a day. Women on average use 35,000. So a man gets home from work, where he's used 14, 500 words (he's got about 500 left), and a woman still has about 20,000 words to use. There's a problem!
And the issue is affection, because a woman takes a man's hesitation or stubbornness to engage in heart-level communication as a sign that he doesn't like her, doesn't respect her opinion, doesn't think she's worthwhile. All of the things that undercut her #1 need for affection. All things that undercut a man's attempt to love his wife sacrificially.

Love is extreme.
Husbands, go all out in love for your wives. Don't take advantage of them. Col. 3:19 (Msg)
Men, showing your wife that you love her above everything else, is not a time for restraint. The Bible says "go all out." Use every resource available to you. In other words, show you wife she's number 1 in a lot of different ways.
(ill) In the movie Sweet Home Alabama, the lead character is taken on a date where she doesn't know where she's going. She opens he eyes to discover that her fiance has rented Tiffany's ? staff and all, for her to pick out her engagement ring. As we watched the movie, all of the girls in my house said " AAAWWW!."
T/S; The idea of a big demonstration of love was appealing to them. I love thee commercial on TV where the man starts yelling in the Italian square "I love this woman.!" Because I think every woman wants to know that her man loves her enough to prove it in a big way .. sometimes even a public way.
I don't think I've ever bought flowers for Robin on Valentine's Day, but every once in a while, for no reason, I send a dozen roses to school. My goal is for other teachers to say "AAAwwww, isn't he sweet! He really loves you.:" My goal is to makee a public show of my feelings for my wife, not because I care if others people know I love her, but because I want her to know that love her enough to let other people know..
Love is understanding.
What does it mean to understand something? To have an intimate knowledge of what makes that thing work. In the context of a marital relationship, understanding means respecting another person enough to take the time to figure them out. It means making the commitment to know what another person's like and dislikes are - what makes them tick. I included 3 versions of 1 Peter 3:7 in your study guide, because I wanted to paint a picture of what's involved in meen understanding their wives/
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you live together.
1 Peter 3:7 (NLT)
If you are a husband, you should be thoughtful of your wife. 1 Peter 3:7 (CEV)
The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. 1 Peter 3:7 (Msg)
Understanding means not assuming that you already know. If you've seen the Bad News Bears, you know what assuming makes out of you and me. Husbands are to invest themselves into knowing their wives. Knowing her needs. Knowing her wants. Knowing her preferences. What's your wife's favorite perfume? Her favorite song on the radio right now? What has she done in the past month that has been most rewarding to her? Most frustrating?
Sacrificial love is impossible without taking the effort to know these things. That's the heart of a relationship: commiting to the value of another person by caring for what matters to them.
Each of you should know how to live with your wife in a holy and honorable way, 1 Thes. 4:4 (TEV)
Every one of our wives will be different, but it is each of our responsibilities to know our wife, and what her individual quirks are. What makes her unique and special. The hard part of this is focusing our energy on someone else. Taking ourselves off the pedestal and putting our wives on it.
(ill) There was a couple driving home one night from a party, and the wife asked her husband, ?Honey, has anyone told you lately how handsome, sexy and irresistable you are?"
"Not lately," the husband smiled.
"Then, what gave you that idea at the party tonight!"
T/S: Men, sacrificial love means that it's not about you. And that only happens when you understand what makes your wife who she is. And you can't do that if you're self-centered.

Love should be faithful.
Godly husbands are sexually faithful.
Be faithful to your own wife and give your love to her alone. Proverbs 5:15 (TEV)
Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people
who are immoral and those who commit adultery. Hebrews 13:4 (NLT)
Even more than sexual faithfulness, godly husbands keep their promises.
You ask why he no longer accepts them. It is because he knows you have broken your promise to the wife you married when you were young. She was your partner, and you have broken your promise to her Malachi 2:14 (TEV)
The bedrock of any relationship is trust, and nothing undercuts trust more than broken promises. Men, the warning is to be careful what you promise (like painting the house before winter) if you can't follow through. Aand if you promisee it, do it. Thee issue is loyalty. Promises are pledges against your love bank, and if your love checks bounce, that is, if you break promises, it will be seen as a betrayal.
?Remain loyal to the wife of your youth. Malachi 2:15 (NLT)
Love spends time with another person.
Enjoy life with the wife you love. Eccles. 9:9 (NCV)
So be happy with your wife and find your joy with the woman you married Proverbs 5:18 (TEV)
Be happy with the wife you married when you were young. She gives you joy Proverbs 5:17 (NCV)
A lot of husbands approach spending time with their wife, like the Boy Scout who was told to go perform a good deed. A while later he returned, bloody and beaten up. "What happened?" his Scoutmaster asked.
"I helped an old lady across the street," the Scout replied.
"That's a good deed," the Scoutmaster said. "but what happened to you?"
"She didn't want to go."
I know a man who bought his wife a table saw for Christmas a couple of years ago. She was not impressed. Often, we men think our wives should be thrilled that we've included them on our fishing trips, football games and forays to the sporting good store. But if you want to show real love, accompany your wife to the mall ?. On Saturday ?. When there's a basketball game on. And go into every store with her. And carry her packages.
Even if that seems extreme .. the principle is, love takes time, and regardless of what thee diamond commercials say, time is really the ONLY eternal gift that we have to give.
Love is full of second chances.
The Lord said to me, "Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes." Hosea 3:1 (NIV)
(ill) Dave Sstone writes about encountering a waitress in a restaurant with a big, bold tatto on her arm that read ?I love Jimmy." Stone noticed the tattoo and told the woman that Jimmy must really appreciate the display of affection. The waitress blushed, and said, "Actually, I've been married to a man named George for over 20 years. Jimmy was my boyfriend in high school.'
Stone laughed, "I beet George loves it then."
"You know," the woman replied. "He hasn't mentioned this tattoo in years."
T/; The Bible says that love covers a multitude of things. It covers old tattoos. It covers temper tantrums. It covers unkind words. And sacrificial love means taking the initiative to cover things that cause division and argument. I really see one of the implications of a man being the head of a house as being the responsibility to initiate resolution in arguments.
Even if your wife has hurt your feelings. Even if your wife is wrong. Especially if you are. Husbands bear the brunt of love. And love forgives. Love covers wrongs. Love gives second chances. And third. And fourth.
(ill) One man was asked how he and his wife had stayed married for 50 years. He said, "I make all the major decisions, and she makes all the minor decisions. So far, nothing major has come up."
I'm kidding men. I'm not talking about weak and wimpy. I am talking about being strong enough to say "I'm sorry." Strong enough to say "Let's work this out." Strong enough to say "It's OK. I forgive you." A godly husband, loving his wife sacrificially, will do whichever of these is necessary so that the relationship is moved forward, using obstacles as stepping stones to greater emotional depth and intimacy.
Conclusion
If we are real honest, we will admit that this is a tall order. Being selfless is hard enough for me to do sometimes. Acting with someone else's interest ahead of mine goes against my nature. That's why the Bible says our old nature is sinful and selfish and in opposition to God's will and way. Being a good husband requires being a godly husband.
Accepting God's love is necessary in order to give that kind of love to someone else.
(ill) Holocaust survivor Ernie Marx wrote of his experiences in a Nazi concentration camp.. Marx wrote that the one thing the Germans were adamant about was that no Jew could look up towards the sky. Looking up, the Germans decided, gave people hope. Marx writes that he saw many people beaten for simply looking up.
T/S; If you want to restore hope to your marriage ? if you want to restore hope to your life ? all you need to do is look up. There is healing in the person of Jesus when we take our eyes off of ourselves and look to Him for guidance and power.
This morning, whether you need hope for your life, or hope for your marriage, I invite you to look up. To look to Jesus.

anal sex

As its name indicates, anal sex consists of the introduction of the penis in the anus, as much in the heterosexual relations, as in the homosexuals. It used to be called " sodomy "; (word derived from Sodom, mythical city that, next to Gomorra, according to the Bible, was destroyed by Jehovah due to its sexual immorality. The reference to Sodom appears bound to literary works like "The 120 days of Sodom" of the Marquis de Sade that was taken to the screen by Pier Paolo Pasolini). Anal sex was considered "against nature" once, by religious tradition, the only sex considered natural was with reproductive aims. Anything different than that was considered sinful; for example they used to say that the pacts with the demon were sealed with anal sex or with a kiss in the ass. Almost the same happens with masturbation. Calls the attention that different countries attributed to their neighbors this practice as if it was something for alien and strange people: French call it the "English vice" and English call it "French vice", the Arabs of the "Persian vice" and vice versa. In many situations this practice was used to preserve - hypocritically the virginity and to avoid undesired pregnancies. In addition to Marquis de Sade, many authors like Bocaccio, Chaucer, Petronio or Rabelais have described this kind of practice in their work. Today it's neither accepted the unnatural term, or the "against nature" for the anal penetration (with finger or penis); it is viewed as an erotic game or sexual variant.
The anal penetration doesn't appear very often as a heterosexual practice, even though some people do it during the menstruation period. However, it seems to be common sexual practice among primitive cultures. In some societies of Papua New Guinea it constituted an obligation for the young people as part of the rites of puberty, they believe that they will not grow as they should if they don't receive semen of older men.
Approximately 40% of the heterosexual couples have tried it at least once. The anus, like the vagina, has sensitive nervous endings. Men as much as the heterosexual women, even if sometimes they think that this indicates a homosexual tendency, often enjoy some type of anal massage. Some men and women consider that the practice of the anal sex is something adventurous and amused, whereas others perceive it as something dirty, perverse and painful. This sexual practice requires great doses of mutual confidence, lubrication, capacity of communication and patience on the part of the man, who cannot move as energetically as he would do it during the vaginal sex because the risk of damaging the very delicate skin. The anal sex is an activity of high risk due to the HIV infection. The physical and psychological submission that entails this practice has for many men and women great attractiveness as an occasional alternative to the vaginal sex. In fact, the woman would have to control the rate and the depth of the penetration. As it so happens in any sexual practice, nobody should feel pushed to practice anal sex only because the partner requests it. Sex to be pleasant has always to be choosed. The rectum is not designed for sex practice and it cannot bear sudden sexual intercourse without suffering damages. Even if both parties reach orgasm, sex is a special event. With a little creativity, both ends can be satisfied.
Sexual technique
When you decide to have anal sex you should take in to account that:
As we are talking about a muscular sphincter, it tends to offer resistance, so it needs to be properly relaxed. Unlike the vagina, it doesn't lubricate itself; cream or a nonirritating lubricant gel should be used for that, so much as on the penis or finger as in the anus.
Make the penetration carefully and smoothly, gradually (sometimes is better to expand it first with a finger before introducing the penis). Pull it out if your partner complains of intense pain that she/he doesn't bear or if there is strong resistance, or even if she/he does not seem to enjoy it.
Use a condom, it's very important, since the rectal mucous is a virus and bacteria route of entrance.
Never make a vaginal penetration after the anal, since the danger to contaminate the vagina with bacterial flora of the rectum, and then the penis would take it itself; a way to do it is wear another or, in case of not using it, clean up very careful before continuing.
Never penetrate without the other person consent. Sometimes there are resistance or refusals in doing so because of pain, others by moral or religious faith, or simply isn't pleasant.
One of the most uncomfortable things about anal sex, can be the presence of fecal matter when taking the penis out. Some homosexual patients refer that they use enemas to clean the zone, but this method is seldom used
To many heterosexual couples anal sex can be an alternative that produces great erotic and sexual satisfactions. However, mainly because it is a "taboo", there are many questions and some precautions that it demands. To know them is never too much. The opinions about anal sex are many and varied, and even contradictory. Not everybody accept (mainly for ethical and religious reasons) that this type of relation is "normal" in a heterosexual couple. one thing is for sure that many people perceive in the anal sex a way like any other to enjoy sex, an equivalent to the oral sex or the vaginal sex. Not, the climate of concealment, the pressure of the prejudices and the fact that the subject has been considered a taboo have caused that in whatever anal sex, everything is questions, doubts and silence. To look for response to them is the best way to end the unnecessary risks and problems derived from ignorance. Anal sex also demands its own precautions.
Precautions:
The Condom use is the most popular safety measure. Although, its use is extended to the relations of vaginal sex (everybody knows the risks that imply not to use it, AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases), doesn't happen the same with anal sex. It's also necessary to use Condoms for AIDS prevention: since the HIV is easily transmitted by a zone that lacks natural lubrication and is more prone to tears and bleeding injuries that, when mixing itself with semen infected contribute to expand the disease. It's also recommendable to add other precautions that should never seem unnecessary. Most important: after practicing anal sex, never have vaginal sex straight away. It requires taking hygiene procedures, such as the penis wash (or the finger if it has also taken part in the penetration). Also it is necessary to change the preservative then, since in the anus there are bacteria that, if in there don't cause problems but can trigger it in the vagina. on the other hand, should be considered as a necessity measurement that penetration starts slowly and tenderly and that the penetrated person needs to be very excited either in a heterosexual relation as in a homosexual one. If the penetrated person is not excited enough, mainly in the anal sphincter, it can turn out painful and annoying as well as causing detrimental tears and injures. For this reason, an artificial lubricant (with water based, since petroleum jelly and oils can harm the condom's latex) can facilitate the penetration that, by itself, isn't so simple. If in addition the pair stimulates the zone manually thus to expand to the anal sphincter, this practice does not have reason to be painful. one last precaution, already repeated surely, of insurance by its importance, is the HYGIENE. It is evident that everything is pleasant and for pleasant to be the penetrated person should have evacuated before so that the last part of the colon is as clean as possible and there are not difficulties for the penetration. Finally, a concentrated wash in the zone is never too much.
Alternative techniques in vaginal Penetration from behind, "dog style". The penetration from the back is an alternative to the anal sex, even when you introduce the penis in the vagina. The angle of penetration and the visual perspective from the back makes it seems as tough you experienced differently to the other sex positions, fantasizing you can emulate an anal penetration. It's also interesting and at the same time funny to talk about anal penetration without doing it, so both can think about their desires about it. While she stimulates with the hand and tells the most exiting sexual fantasy that him can imagine or they have read in a book or a magazine. To say obscene expressions on a taboo subject is as good as practice it. They can prove. Practice the anal massage. For both sexes. Put a latex glove and lubricate the zone well. Tickle the edge of the anus. She gives it back to his with the finger. When his partner is ready, he introduces a finger slowly (with the affluent nail cut). While doing that his partner contracts the anal muscle around his finger, inhaling while she or he does it. As variant, he shakes his finger smoothly while his pair contracts and relaxes annals muscles.

sex games

There could be said that sex games encompass all if not innumerous manners of sexual conquest as well as employment of subtleties as to warm up or boost sexual relation.
The practice of sexual conquest employed by both genders whose main goal would be sexual intercourse is extremely varied. There might last a few hours, days, or even weeks, consisting at times in a seduction game of rather elaborated structure.Likewise, the animal kingdom, such complex mating ritual between male and female, being the courtship fundamental condition for copula and sexual performance may translate a multitude of sex and seduction games.
Flirting, making a pass on, candle lit dinner, gifts, dance, languid gaze, clothing and accessories, scents, hairdos amongst others, all of which make part of the seduction game. Romanticism is fundamental. Arguably, all so far described make up the first set of the game. Its second set would be sexual intercourse.
Getting to know one another, expectations and preferences of both when catching up with differences, so sex game can go on. During sex, foreplay is corner stones, a good sense of humor is mustdo at any rate, fulfilling sexual fantasies in mutual agreement, wearing accessories and sex toys for mutual satisfaction and arousal will likely to heighten sexual relation even further.
“So far so good” says the proverb. For such a proverb come true within the sexuality context, much as in sexual games, it’s crucial that after conquest the art of seduction keeps on going. The game must be carried on so that sexual relation can grow from strength to strength and thus enrich.
Incredible as it might seem this looks like the hardest part. Many men and women, after being seduced or accomplishing seduction ended up by pushing it aside.
Apparently, accordingly to clinical practice, in feeling overconfident they reckoned that they’d somehow wind up overestimating such sexual practice.
We’re talking about routine that root in any given relationship regardless of duration, which renders relationships predicable and sometimes stuck in a root.
Routine sets in unnoticed, so a great many people complain that seemingly something missing in their relations.
When talking about sexual games we’re referring to a whole set of factors pertaining to a sexual relation. Just as in conquering is vital that all comes into play as a way of spicing up a couple’s relationship. Being creative, imaginative, joyful with each other are some of the ways to keep harmony in. Seduction should be tender continuously. Sexual games are here to stay if sexual relation is to be kept alive.

having a sex quickie

A quickie is the kind of sexual relation that the couples most resort on. It stands for sex without so much foreplay and preferably in a nick of time. But there’s more in it than catches an eye. One of the key requisites for a reasonable quickie is the couple being in the same wavelength, as in cuddling and understanding. Without it either of them could grow bored and feel minimized or even despised. No matter how naïve it seems a sexual relation imbues much more than physical contact, then when it comes to having a quickie it becomes quite loud. Why this requisite is so important? Because, given its short threshold it takes a lot of surrender and reassurance too. Still, foreplay is literally discarded, so the couple must be in tune with each other to get straight to the point. Whoever relies on it wants all that a longer sexual intercourse could offer. Lust, orgasm, cuddles, every single bit would play a role in it inasmuch as coming out of it feeling fulfilled. Choosing the right location is just as important. Some people might consider having their quickie done in the car, still in bed, before setting off to work or perhaps in their relatives’ bathroom whilst having a shower. And they must come together so that neither would feel undermined or even disrespected in their own space. A quickie is such pleasant alternative for the old sex. As fast, it really got the power to bring out profound lust without much thinking. A string of fantasies is set in motion always when it takes place. There might be the stigma of getting caught in some less fanciful location, for instance under the staircase, at the playground or lift and so on. Indulging in sex this way, off chance, means normal and even healthier. What should be avoided is turning it mainstay. It’s nice, tasty, pleasure ridden but kept as the main sexual activity would end up by turning sex into an involuntary act, in which point a single stroke is all it takes to gear things up. But that’s not what sex is all about. It calls for novelties alright as long as it doesn’t become the main course. The more experimentation there’s, the better the sexual rapport, as far as sexuality goes. A balance act stricken between the physical and psychological levels, upon tenderness and cuddling is what ultimate sex is all about. In short, a quickie can be good and is even better if done along with someone that can be trusted. Its climax can be breathtaking and might present an alternative in itself for those without much time or leverage to spare while thriving on a time consuming sexual rapport.

How to have a steamy sex and giving her the ultimate orgasm? You do not need to be a sex master to make her orgasm. By just getting a good grip on a few moves, it will be enough for you to send her to orgasm heaven.
Firstly, you must understand that when it comes to sex, women need some time to get “warmed up”. Therefore, it is important that you do not rush the whole process. Take everything slowly.
By having a prolonged foreplay, you will be able to intensify love making, as well as orgasms too. Start your foreplay with her clothes on. Kiss her on the neck and caress her breasts, while slowly removing her top.

Make sure that you touch and caress all her erogenous zones, especially those zones that are usually left out. Spend some time to stimulate her neck, earlobes, spine, shoulders, breasts, abdomen, etc.
While you are stimulating her breasts, do not go straight for her nipples. Kiss and suck the surroundings of her nipples first. Once you see that she is sexually turned on, play with her nipples with your mouth and hands.
If you want to send her to orgasm heaven fast, there is one thing that you should try out. Research has shown that more than 81% of women regularly receive orgasm from cunnilingus, when compared to only 25% of them from traditional penetration. This statistic shows that cunnilingus is the sure way to make a woman orgasm fast, provided you do it right.
The key here is to get your woman as turned on as possible before any penetration begins. Once you are able to make a woman receive orgasm before penetration, you are on the right track to fulfil her to the maximum

satisfying your partners' sexual desire

What are some of the erotic love making techniques that you can try out with your lover to satisfy his or her sexual desire? Making your love making experience pleasurable is very important so as to maintain the passion for sex.

1. Have a steamy bath. Light up candles, talk to your lover and wash his or her body. The both of you can have a quick little foreplay in the bathtub but leave the best for later. This is a same old goodie that can spice up your lovemaking with your lover.
2. Perform role play scenarios. Find out what are the sexual fantasies of your lover and act them out. There are lots of different role play scenarios such as Police/Thief, Doctor/Nurse, Electrician/Housewife, etc. Invest in some costumes and props so as to make the role play more realistic and sexually desirable.
3. Stimulate all the erogenous zones of your lover. Remember how you spend so much time kissing your lover and touching all over his or her body in your teenage years? Spend some time touching the non-sexual zones, such as neck, spine, thighs, shoulders, stomach, etc. If you want to gear up your love for an erotic love making later on, you need to start stimulate all the erogenous zones of your lover like you were both teenagers again.
Erotic love making is the way to go. Love making is too good a thing to be treated as a routine, especially a boring one. Make it as pleasurable as possible every time, and your lover will crave for more.

what men don't know about women

9 most shocking secrets women don't want men to know
Ever tried to wonder what's in a woman’s mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say. They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Read on to discover some of the most shocking secrets women don't want men to know.
Blonds aren’t always dumb- If you thought all of them were dumb than you are strongly mistaken. Hair colour does not affect a person's IQ. They only act dumb to seem cute or get you to spend money on them and if you do that than you are dumb not them.

Women get jealous as hell- They might deny it but the fact is they get extremely jealous even if their man talks to a random female or maybe a friend. She might pretend to act all nice but inside her jealousy volcano is about to erupt.

I am the sexiest of them all- Every woman has this mind frame no matter how much they try to deny it. Almost every woman wants to feel like the one and only beauty queen in the world as if nothing compares and demand royal treatment from all men.

Am I fat- I know you’ve heard this one time and again but let's all admit to it officially! No matter how skinny she is she would never consider herself thin. Almost every woman occasionally asks this annoying question- "Am I looking fat in this honey?”

They always lie about shopping- They might be out grocery shopping but always end up getting something for themselves which they thought was cute. They either try to hide it or lie about its price saying it was on sale.

Don't share secrets with them- If you have than you are already on prime time radio. Almost every woman shares each and every secret with her friends. They tend to share their secrets over a cup of coffee and have a good laugh over it. And yeh when I say secrets it means your private secrets as well ( he he) if you know what I mean.

What shoes are you wearing- If you thought it was a myth than think again. Women do judge a man by his shoes. So better make it a point to wear nice clean shoes the next time you walk out.

They know when you are cheating- Women have inbuilt instincts and emotion system which beeps and alerts when their man is cheating. No matter how big of a player you are you would always be caught no matter what.

Women prefer smart men only- Yes it is indeed a universal fact that women do prefer smart men no matter what they might say. They might settle for a man with less money but never with a man who is dumber than them. But how smart are you? Enter your zip code and take a smartness test, see where you stand.

how to have great sex

Everyone wants great sex, but how do you get it? It takes a lot of ingredients such as having the right attitude, trusting your partner and getting over your hang-ups. Yet once you have the elements in place you can look forward to a more fulfilling sex life. From letting it happen to desire and foreplay, therapist Arlene Goldman shows us the 10 keys to sexual bliss.
Let it Happen You can't force sex to happen, great sex must be allowed to happen. The act of pursuing orgasm breeds performance anxiety, which then undermines sexual arousal. The idea of goal-oriented sex flies in the face of letting it happen, you may end up faking orgasms or having problems with sexual function. So relax and enjoy the process.
The Right Attitude Give yourself permission to completely experience sex and its pleasures. That means you must let go of guilt, self-consciousness, judgments and personal hang-ups. Also, forget about your to do list and be prepared to “fully experience the moment,” says Goldman. In short, “be here now.”
Connect, Communicate, Trust To feel safe and secure in your relationship, you'll have to open up and communicate how you feel. Going hand in hand with this is feeling empathy toward your partner. From here you can understand, embrace and communicate more easily. If you want something, you can ask for it. And remember to let go of grievances. “As a colleague said, for a long-term relationship, you need a short-term memory in the bedroom,” says Goldman.
Feed Your Desire Also, in a long-term relationship, desire can certainly fade. Where's that initial passion you once felt? Grocery lists and household chores often replace romantic excitement, so how do you tap into lost desire? The key is finding the triggers that lead to passion. To do that you will have to trick your brain. One thing that helps is novelty, which kicks brain chemicals linked to arousal and romantic love. And it doesn't have to be a trip to Paris; try a walk on the beach, a visit to the museum, reading poetry in bed, or just calling your partner and saying I love you
Love Your Body “My penis is too small.” “My breasts are too flat.” “I've gained 10 pounds.” Body image hinders intimacy. You can't have great sex if you're self-conscious about your body. Learn to like yourself and all your curves. From there, tap into your sensuality by thinking about what makes your body feel good. How do you feel when your partner touches your neck? How does your body feel to your partner? Maybe that extra weight feels more sensual to him.
Be Adventurous “You want to do what?” What is inhibiting you from exploration? Now is the time to let go of shame and embarrassment. People are often too serious in the bedroom. So you may need to rethink sex and see that it's actually fun. Share your fantasies with your partner and discover how you can carry them out. Take risks: Perhaps by being creative and doing things a little differently. “It's about learning and experimenting, and if it doesn't turn you on, that's OK,” says Goldman.
Foreplay and Afterplay It's not about copping a feel. Foreplay begins out of the bedroom; in fact, it's about lovers connecting throughout the day. And it doesn't have to be overtly sexual or sexual at all. It can even be as mundane as helping with the dishes—anything to be more connected. And don't forget that afterplay is just as important. Rather than jumping up after lovemaking, stay physically and emotionally connected.
Safe Sex Everyone should practice safe sex. If you have a new partner, get to know him beforehand, as you'll need to know where he has been. Try to get comfortable talking about safe sex and don't look at it as a downer. “If you're worried about having safe sex, you're not going to have great sex,” says Goldman. And although, you can make sex fun by incorporating condoms into lovemaking, remember that sexuality is more than the exchange of bodily fluids.
Relieve Stress Every couple needs time to relax. “You have to decompress before feeling turned on,” says Goldman. So consider stress-reducing ways to be together. To do this you may have to rethink your priorities in life. Perhaps you'll need to make time for relaxation by letting go of other activities. So get away together, go on a date once a week or take a bath together.
Stay Fit People who get more sex are less depressed. But to do that, you need energy. “If you're worried about getting enough sleep,” says Goldman, “you're not going to have great sex.” So it's important to get plenty of rest, regular exercise and the right foods. In fact, all these things help blood flow to the genitals, which is paramount for arousal.

God gave me one wife to love

One wife only
My wife made to the image of Goda source of infinite love - everlasting eternal love !
One wife only God gave me One wife only i ask forOne wife only is plentyMy one wife can give and create more love and joy i ever can absorbOne wife to make happy and live in eternal joy and divine infinite bliss and happiness

USING CONDOMS

Why do I need to use a condom?

Condoms are the only form of protection that can both help to stop the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) such as HIV and prevent pregnancy.
Getting ready, Choosing the right condom

A number of different types of condom are now available. What is generally called a condom is the 'male' condom, a sheath or covering which fits over a man's penis, and which is closed at one end.
There is also now a female condom, or vaginal sheath, which is used by a woman and which fits inside her vagina. The rest of this page is about the male condom.
What are condoms made of?
Condoms are usually made of latex or polyurethane. If possible you should use a latex condom, as they are slightly more reliable, and in most countries they are most readily available.
Latex condoms can only be used with water based lubricants, not oil based lubricants such as Vaseline or cold cream as they break down the latex. A small number of people have an allergic reaction to latex and can use polyurethane condoms instead.
Polyurethane condoms are made of a type of plastic. They are thinner than latex condoms, and so they increase sensitivity and are more agreeable in feel and appearance to some users. They are more expensive than latex condoms and slightly less flexible so more lubrication may be needed. However both oil and water based lubricants can be used with them.
It's not clear whether latex or polyurethane condoms are stronger – there are studies suggesting that either is less likely to break. With both types however, the likelihood of breakages is very small if used correctly.
The lubrication on condoms also varies. Some condoms are not lubricated at all, some are lubricated with a silicone substance, and some condoms have a water-based lubricant. The lubrication on condoms aims to make the condom easier to put on and more comfortable to use. It can also help prevent condom breakage.
Spermicides and Nonoxynol 9
Condoms and lubricants sometimes contain a spermicide called Nonoxynol 9. Adding Nonoxynol 9 to condoms was thought in the past to help to prevent pregnancy and the transmission of HIV and other STDs, but it is now known to be ineffective.
Some people have an allergic reaction to Nonoxynol 9 that can result in little sores, which can actually make the transmission of HIV more likely. Because of this, you should only use condoms and lubricants containing Nonoxynol 9 if you are HIV negative and know that your partner is too. However, using a condom (even if it contains Nonoxynol 9) is much safer than having unprotected sex.
What shapes are there and which should I choose? What about flavoured condoms?

Condoms come in a variety of shapes. Most have a reservoir tip although some do have a plain tip. Condoms may be regular shaped (with straight sides), form fit (indented below the head of the penis), or they may be flared (wider over the head of the penis).
Ribbed condoms are textured with ribs or bumps, which can increase sensation for both partners. Condoms also come in a variety of colours.
It's up to you which shape you choose. All of the differences in shape are designed to suit different personal preferences and enhance pleasure. It is important to communicate with your partner to be sure that you are using condoms that satisfy both of you.
Some condoms are flavoured to make oral sex more enjoyable. They are also safe to use for penetrative sex as long as they have been tested and approved.
What about the condom size?
Condoms are made in different lengths and widths, and different manufacturers produce varying sizes.
There is no standard length for condoms, though those made from natural rubber will in addition always stretch if necessary to fit the length of the man's erect penis.
The width of a condom can also vary. Some condoms have a slightly smaller width to give a "closer" fit, whereas others will be slightly larger. Condom makers have realised that different lengths and widths are needed and are increasingly broadening their range of sizes.
The brand names will be different in each country, so you will need to do your own investigation of different names. There is no particular best brand of condom. There are details of web sites of condom manufacturers on our links page, where you can find information about their products and contact information.
So when do you use a condom?
You need to use a new condom every time you have sexual intercourse. Never use the same condom twice. Put the condom on after the penis is erect and before any contact is made between the penis and any part of the partner's body. If you go from anal intercourse to vaginal intercourse, you should consider changing the condom.
Where can I get condoms?
There are no age limitations on buying condoms. Buying a condom no matter how old you are shows that you are taking responsibility for your actions. Family planning and sexual health clinics provide condoms free of charge. Condoms are available to buy from supermarkets, convenience stores and petrol/gas stations. Vending machines selling condoms are found in toilets at many locations. You can also order then online from different manufacturers and distributors. There are web sites details of condom manufacturers on our links page.
How can I check a condom is safe to use?
Condoms that have been properly tested and approved carry the British Standard Kite Mark or the EEC Standard Mark (CE). In the USA, condoms should be FDA approved, and elsewhere in the world, they should be ISO approved. To find out more about condom testing see our Condoms history, effectiveness and testing page.
Condoms have an expiration (Exp) or manufacture (MFG) date on the box or individual package that tells you when it is safe to use the condom until. It's important to check this when you use a condom. You should also make sure the package and the condom appear to be in good condition.
Condoms can deteriorate if not stored properly as they are affected by both heat and light. So it's best not to use a condom that has been stored in your back pocket, your wallet, or the glove compartment of your car. If a condom feels sticky or very dry you shouldn't use it as the packaging has probably been damaged.
How do you use a condom?

Open the condom package at one corner being careful not to tear the condom with your fingernails, your teeth, or through being too rough. Make sure the package and condom appear to be in good condition, and check that if there is an expiry date that the date has not passed.
Place the rolled condom over the tip of the hard penis, and if the condom does not have a reservoir top, pinch the tip of the condom enough to leave a half inch space for semen to collect. If the man is not circumcised, then pull back the foreskin before rolling on the condom.
Pinch the air out of the condom tip with one hand and unroll the condom over the penis with the other hand. Roll the condom all the way down to the base of the penis, and smooth out any air bubbles. (Air bubbles can cause a condom to break.)
If you want to use some extra lubrication, put it on the outside of the condom. But always use a water-based lubricant (such as KY Jelly or Liquid Silk) with latex condoms, as an oil-based lubricant will cause the latex to break. Click here to see picture of lubricants.
The man wearing the condom doesn't always have to be the one putting it on - it can be quite a nice thing for his partner to do.
What do you do if the condom won't unroll?

The condom should unroll smoothly and easily from the rim on the outside. If you have to struggle or if it takes more than a few seconds, it probably means that you are trying to put the condom on upside down. To take off the condom, don't try to roll it back up. Hold it near the rim and slide it off. Then start again with a new condom.
When do you take off the condom?
Pull out before the penis softens, and hold the condom against the base of the penis while you pull out, so that the semen doesn't spill. Condom should be disposed properly for example wrapping it in a tissue and throwing it away. It's not good to flush condoms down the toilet - they're bad for the environment.
What do you do if a condom breaks?
If a condom breaks during sexual intercourse, then pull out quickly and replace the condom. Whilst you are having sex, check the condom from time to time, to make sure it hasn't split or slipped off. If the condom has broken and you feel that semen has come out of the condom during sex, you should consider getting emergency contraception such as the morning after pill.
What condoms should you use for anal intercourse?
With anal intercourse more strain is placed on the condom. You can use stronger condoms (which are thicker) but standard condoms are just as effective as long as they are used correctly with plenty of lubricant. Condoms with a lubricant containing Nonoxynol 9 should NOT be used for anal sex as Nonoxynol 9 damages the lining of the rectum increasing the risk of HIV and other STD transmission.
Is using a condom effective?
If used properly, a condom is very effective at reducing the risk of being infected with HIV during sexual intercourse. Using a condom also provides protection against other sexually transmitted diseases, and protection against pregnancy. In the laboratory, latex condoms are very effective at blocking transmission of HIV because the pores in latex condoms are too small to allow the virus to pass through. However, outside of the laboratory condoms are less effective because people do not always use condoms properly. To find out more about the effectiveness of condoms, go to our Condom history, effectiveness and testing page.
How do you dispose of a used condom?
All condoms should be disposed of by wrapping in tissue or toilet paper and throwing them in the bin. Condoms should not be flushed down the toilet as they may cause blockages in the sewage system and pollution.
Latex condoms are made mainly from latex with added stabilizers, preservatives and vulcanizing (hardening) agents. Latex is a natural substance made form rubber trees, but because of the added ingredients most latex condoms are not biodegradable. Polyurethane condoms are made from plastic and are not biodegradable. Biodegradable latex condoms are available from some manufacturers.
How can I persuade my partner that we should use a condom?
It can be difficult to talk about using condoms. But you shouldn't let embarrassment become a health risk. The person you are thinking about having sex with may not agree at first when you say that you want to use a condom when you have sex. These are some comments that might be made and some answers that you could try...
EXCUSE
ANSWER
Don't you trust me?
Trust isn't the point, people can have infections without realising it
It does not feel as good with a condom
I'll feel more relaxed, If I am more relaxed, I can make it feel better for you.
I don't stay hard when I put on a condom
I'll help you put it on, that will help you keep it hard.
I am afraid to ask him to use a condom. He'll think I don't trust him.
If you can't ask him, you probably don't trust him.
I can't feel a thing when I wear a condom
Maybe that way you'll last even longer and that will make up for it
I don't have a condom with me
I do
It's up to him... it's his decision
It's your health. It should be your decision too!
I'm on the pill, you don't need a condom
I'd like to use it anyway. It will help to protect us from infections we may not realise we have.
It just isn't as sensitive and I can't feel a thing
Maybe that way you will last even longer and that will make up for it
Putting it on interrupts everything
Not if I help put it on
I guess you don't really love me
I do, but I am not risking my future to prove it
I will pull out in time
Women can get pregnant and get STDs from pre-ejaculate
But I love you
Then you'll help us to protect ourselves.
Just this once
Once is all it takes
There are many reasons to use condoms when having sex. You could go through these reasons with your partner and see what she/he thinks.
Reasons to use condoms
Condoms are the only contraceptive that help prevent both pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases (including HIV) when used properly and consistently.
Condoms are one of the most reliable methods of birth control when use properly and consistently.
Condoms have none of the medical side-effects of some other birth control methods may have.
Condoms are available in various shapes, colours, flavours, textures and sizes - to increase the fun of making love with condoms.
Condoms are widely available in pharmacies, supermarkets and convenience stores. You don't need a prescription or have to visit a doctor.
Condoms make sex less messy.
Condoms are user friendly. With a little practice, they can also add confidence to the enjoyment of sex.
Condoms are only needed when you are having sex unlike some other contraceptives which require you to take or have them all of the time.
Here are also some tips that can help you to feel more confident and relaxed about using condoms.
Confidence tips
Keep condoms handy at all times. If things start getting steamy - you'll be ready. It's not a good idea to find yourself having to rush out at the crucial moment to buy condoms - at the height of the passion you may not want to.
When you buy condoms, don't get embarrassed. If anything, be proud. It shows that you are responsible and confident and when the time comes it will all be worthwhile. It can be more fun to go shopping for condoms with your partner or friend. Nowadays, it is also easy to buy condoms discreetly on the internet.
Talk with your partner about using a condom before having sex. It removes anxiety and embarrassment. Knowing where you both stand before the passion stands will make you lot more confident that you both agree and are happy about using a condom.
If you are new to condoms, the best way to learn how to use them is to practice putting them on by yourself or your partner. It does not take long to become a master.
If you feel that condoms interrupt you passion then try introducing condoms into your lovemaking. It can be really sexy if your partner helps you put it on or you do it together.